From hookups to friends with benefits to sexting, dating these days clearly has more in common with Girls than Mad Men. But it turns out there’s one aspect of courtship that hasn’t changed much since the days of beehives and Spam casseroles. A new survey of 1,000 adults by NerdWallet found that over 77 percent of people in a relationship believe men should still pick up the check on the first date.
Is it throwback Thursday or are we missing something? Considering that many women are now out-earning their male counterparts, why are dudes still expected to foot the bill? It may be that, “on a symbolic level, women still want the feeling of being taken care of by a guy, and men want to show that they can provide,” says dating coach Nancy Slotnick, founder ofMatchmakerCafe.com.
MORE: The Secret to an Amazing First Date
And while this might not be true for every man, some guys view the act of paying on the first date as a way to communicate a certain message, like that he’s financially stable or that he sees this as a legitimate date (and not just having a beer between friends), says Slotnick.
That said, if you’re in the majority here and agree that men should foot the bill on the first date, it’s still a nice gesture to offer to pay. “You don’t want him to think you’re taking advantage of him,” says Slotnick. Plus, keep in mind that some of the men and women in this survey didn’t think it was the man’s responsibility, so if you’re on a date with a guy who feels differently, that’s going to be a very awkward standoff.
MORE: 15 Horrible Date Stories That Will Make You Cringe
So what if you’re steadfast about the guy picking up the check, and your date doesn’t offer to pay? Well, that’s probably a red flag that this isn’t what you’re looking for in a relationship. It could indicate that he’s cheap or not relationship-oriented, warns Slotnick. Or he could just feel that it’s not his responsibility, which is fine, but if you strongly disagree, it’s a pretty clear sign you’re not a great match.
